Who do you want to be?

Wow...God is amazing. I love it when He pours out revelation. Today there were many...but one came with conviction.

When Jesus walked the earth, He acquired more disciples than the initial 12. Some of His other disciples are mentioned briefly in the texts. The rest were called "The crowds." I have a choice. I can be as close to God as humanly possible on earth (think Enoch!) and live entirely for Him; I could be quite devoted and offer a lot of my time and resources to His good works; or I could come out once in a while to hear Him speak or see His good deeds.

I am sure this is not a new revelation. However, it really encouraged me to stay on the track I am already on. I decided a little after I gave my heart to Jesus (for real this time), that I would also give Him all of my hopes and dreams and plans. I decided I wanted to live for God, and offer Him my entire life. It wasn't as easy done as said, but over the years, the Lord has systematically removed the obstacles from my life that kept me from that (He said He would give me the desires of my heart, and I desire to love for Him.) It's been a hard road, but very rich and rewarding and oft-times beautiful.

Sometimes when obstacles were removed, it really had a lot more to do with my devotion to the flesh, and oppression through fear (fear of man mostly,) and those ones really hurt. But many times, as in with this recent revelation, God has gently and kindly changed my heart and mind. I love Him so much more because of that. I love that my God is gentle. In the last few months, I finally feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to do. It is such a wonderful feeling! However, it took humility and sacrificing the desires of my flesh to get there! These past couple of weeks, though, going through some really hard times I have started to doubt if I am on the right track. It doesn't make logical sense, but when we are vulnerable, deception and confusion, fear and doubt like to make themselves known. Ew.

God came to my rescue as usual, and straightened my paths. Who do I want to be? I can let myself get very busy, and quickly become part of the "crowd." I can put one foot in the sea, and one on shore, and try very hard to walk in both and become one of the "aware but barely there," or I can do what my heart desires to do and really live for Him! I can give Him all of myself! I can hate the world, and hate my life and gain it all! I can love God above all others! can fear God, and not man! I can forsake logic and common sense, and normalness, and comfort, and everything else for my God. I want to be a star. I don't mean getting a bunch of glory and being a celebrity. Forget that! I mean, I want to be so sold out to Jesus, that He can use me for anything, from the lowliest tasks to signs and wonders. Whatever plans God has for me...whatever my story ends up being...all I hope is that when I switch over to the heavenly chapters, I can look back over my earthly texts and know that I didn't live for myself.