The latter part of Psalm 139 describes God's purposeful and meticulous making of you in your mother's womb. It states that He knew you and knew your days before you breathed a single breath. To me it means that no matter the circumstance of conception, no matter what mistakes or horrible things we are sure to do or say or think in the future; no matter what--the Creator loved us from the first and designed us with love and purpose. As the song says, Oh, How He Loves Us So....*
So starts my story, or my journey, or my testimony, or whatever else this can be called. It is a slightly detailed and very abridged telling of how and where and when I was captured in the sweetest way to the sweetest and most loving God. The journey was not always sweet, but once caught, things took on a more glorified appearance.
From the beginning, both God and Satan had it out for me. They both wanted me dead, but God wanted my flesh dead and my temple for Himself**. Satan just wanted me dead. Before I was born, the Enemy gave my mother every reason to terminate my life. She was young and beautiful and full of promise. Having a degree in dance, she had already been in a dance company, and the possibilities were endless for a career.
She was the second half of an immature and destructive relationship with my father who was only twenty years old. My father didn't want a child, and pressured my mother to have an abortion. My grandparents were less than thrilled at the prospect of having an illegitimate, ill-times, interracial child as their first grandchild. They too, advised my mother to have an abortion. It seemed to everyone around her, except one close Godly friend, that it was the most sensible and thoughtful thing to do, for my sake as well as hers.
So many questions swirled around her. How could she afford me? How could she raise me alone? Who would support her? How could she endure all of the hardships she would endure raising me? The answers were elusive and not very encouraging, but God put something in her heart. When her best friend introduced Mom to Jesus, and she accepted Him into her heart, the Spirit entered her, and of course rallied on my behalf. God put this intense bubbling joy in her when she found out she was pregnant, and the feeling of love toward me just wouldn't go away! She knew I was alive, and she desired to mother me.
My dad drove my mom to the abortion clinic and left her there alone with the ultimatum: do it, or we are over. She was scared and confused, but it did not take long for her to realize that she did NOT want to be there. When the staffperson came to take her to the operating room, she asked if she could change her mind. Graciously and miraculously the person said yes and did not pressure her to continue.
She went back home in a cab and told my father of her decision. It was a choice that split them up for good--and that changed our lives forever. This was the first time God rescued me from death.
I was born dead. Blue from head to toe, the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck three times and had suffocated me in the birthing process. The doctor was no where to be found until it was too late. I had no breath, no heart beat. They laid me aside to discard me later, and turned to tend my mother. Her best friend, and spiritual mother was there (she was also an off-duty nurse) and saw me. She started to pray for me. My mom asked after me, "Where is my daughter? Where is she?" Her BF prayed. Suddenly she saw movement in me when my mom spoke. She felt a surge of hope and prayed harder, telling my mother to keep talking. Mom kept talking and Donna sent up another prayer. I moved again. This time she got the attention of the doctor, and told them she saw me moving. The doctor and nurses decided to try and russecitate me, and it worked! My heart started beating, and though I had been dead for quite a few minutes, there was no brain or organ damage. Praise God! This is the second time God rescued me from death.
Rescue from Death has been a constant theme in my life and direct connection to my God. As a child and a young adult I was sick and sickly. He rescued me so many times, it would take too long to account for it. I'm sure there are events I can't even remember, and it would just be boring, so I'll skip those details. But, suffice it to say My God is My Champion! Death where is your sting? Whom shall I fear? For You are with me, Lord! There would be another dramatic rescue and turning point in my life, but that comes later.
First, let me tell you how my own personal relationship with Jesus got started, because up until then I was completely unaware of my Suitor and Savior. I was in the back of a car when my mom asked me if I wanted to invite Jesus to come and live in my heart. Now, in my child mind I imagined Jesus stepping down from the clouds, making Himself very tiny and stepping into my heart and living there in some "I Dream of Jeannie" type of room. My mom and our holy-rollin' Pentecostal Church, which was chalk full of the most incredible child-like faith and worship had made Jesus out to be a pretty cool guy, and I was excited to think that He would want to live in me. So I said yes, and Mom led me through the standard "Sinner's Prayer." I had no idea what it meant, but Mom said He was inside me now, and I believed her. My childhood imaginings were a lot more like full-on visions. They were very vivid and life-like to the point I sometimes could not tell between them and reality. Same with my dreams. So...Jesus was really in me. I thought it was cool that He could do it without ripping open my chest.
It was then that God placed a seal on my head and claimed me permanently. A good beginning.
*John Mark McMillan, "How He Loves Us."
**1 Corinthians 6: 18-20
